A Hospice Story

Am I Crazy?

Submitted by: Denise Torgerson - May 5, 2017

We have been taught that we "should" be over our grief and getting on with things sooner than is realistic. Because of this societal belief, people who are grieving think that there is something wrong with them.

The truth is that as the shock and numbness wears off (this can take months), the reality of the loss sets in. It is through our day-to-day activities that we begin to realize the irreversibility of the loss. It is through the countless experiences without your person that you begin to understand that this is real.

The emotions that come up during this time can be confusing and intense. We think we are crazy. Something must be wrong because we think we should be feeling better. Perhaps family members and friends are judging you because you are not "over" it. There is a tendency toward isolation.

This intensity is a normal part of grieving. Anger, guilt, sorrow, helplessness are all common emotions for people who are grieving. It is important at this time to find a safe person or group to be able to process what is going on within and to allow those feelings to be there. It takes more energy to resist the emotions than it does to feel them.

There is a communications theory that states that until we put language around our experience, we don't know what we are experiencing. That is why it is important to find a safe way to express what you are going through.

That one safe person, a support group, even a journal… putting words around your grief is an effective way to move through it.

No, you are not crazy – you are grieving.

Your energy levels are low. Your emotions are high and you are possibly more sensitive than you have ever been.

It is hard work to create a new world without your person in it.

Be Gentle With Yourself…